By His Strength

Where I am weak: He is strong.

His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. 
From the end of the earth I will cry to You, 
When my heart is overwhelmed; 
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 
For You have been a shelter for me, 
A strong tower from the enemy.... 
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings." <-------- How amazing is this?!?!?!?!?! 

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Some moments I feel more than adequate, more than capable, the strongest, the able. Other moments I feel shoved to the ground and told try harder you continue to fail and continue to fail and continue to fail.  So I try harder. And the ground is where I find myself again repeatedly told you aren't enough. No matter what you do you can't. You just can't. 

So this is me crying out to God and begging Him to work in my weaknesses, to be what only He can be to so many people; to be my rock and my fortress for His grace is sufficient enough. He is the one I am to look to please. I will not satisfy this world. I will not satisfy people. I was not created to do this. Therefore, I should take my own thoughts/advice & look to the Lord alone to sustain and satisfy. 

Lord be my Everything. 

and on this ROCK I shall not move. 

The heart of the ocean can't pull me from YOU. 

-Salvation by Paul Stephens- listen to it. 

A request for patience.

I am learning so much.
I am changing so much.
I am growing so much.
I am excited.
I am happy.

But, all of this newness is taking a lot of time to process. As you may have seen me write before, I am a slow processor. And there is a lot of information, a lot of knowledge. Eyes have been opened, ears have been cleaned, and my soul has gotten a new shine to it. I am stronger. I feel wiser. A season of change is ushering into my life. Its weird to be so so so aware of it. I have a lot to write about, but not enough time. I feel that I never have enough time. I don't have time to process. You can tell me that I could make it happen; maybe I could. But, I have a million and one reasons as to why I do not have enough time.

And so I am closing. I am shutting. I am withdrawing. I am backing off. I am separating. I am escaping. I am doing all of these things because I am in process. and the process is no where near finished. I don't know what to do as I'm trying to figure it all out. (I mean in every area of my life too as some of you have experienced). And I need time.

This may sound like a time of great confusion. I see it as growth and change into a woman that is more glorifying to God, honoring to Him, to myself, and to the people around me. I'm changing my life. I'm choosing who I want to be. Its just taking me time and that is really okay.

However. I am asking for your grace. I am asking for your patience. I am asking for you understanding. I am asking for your love, your prayers, your sister/brotherhood support. I am thankful for you.

A season for everything under the sun.

Change is but a constant.
Always.

Consistency is a wish.
A hope.

The majority of my life continues to thrive under a great amount of change. Work, home (Redding/family), home (Costa Mesa apartment/my girls), Circles, wants, strengths, passions, friendships, desires, plans, disciplines, me. All of it. All of it but one: God.

He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. What I know of Him today is something that I can build upon and not fear that it will be changed and I will fall farther from my knowledge of Him, because my knowledge of His truth and His love can only increase. This is a concept that warms my soul.

On a slightly different note: I feel that I am in a season of preparation. "Preparation for what?" you might ask. My answer, "I don't know, but I'm excited, running ahead (throwing some dance twirls in there), and ready do be used, tested, tried, serve, and grow in whatever way will bring our Lord the most glory."

I'm here, God. I'm willing. Use me. I love you. Always, today and forever.

Strengths

Empathy - to sense the feelings of others.
Belief - to have core values that are unchanging. These values define my life's purpose.
Arranger - to organize with flexibility. To maximize productivity.
Achiever - to have a great deal of stamina and to work hard.
Responsibility - To be honest and loyal. To take ownership of my words and commitments.

These are the results of my StrengthsFinder 2.0.

I was a bit unwilling to take this test again. I had completed it previously during my first year at Azusa (3ish years ago). I was proud of my strengths and loved that they defined me with Belief, Harmony, Discipline, Relator, and Communicator. I know that I have grown and changed a very great amount since that first test. My new strengths say this. Communication has gone out the window, I feel like its one of my greatest downfalls, but its something I'm working on. I do things I tell myself not to - discipline fail. I'm less harmonious because work and relationships have made me tougher, stronger, better at taking annoying sarcasm & throwing it back (because for some reason people LIKE THAT, which I don't understand, but feel like I must to be respected). But, perhaps I should stop mourning the change of my strengths and be giddy about the new dawn, the new day, a new way to serve my Jesus and my family better. '

I would say that my top 5 do represent who I am to an extent. The definitions are truth. I love that Belief is still in the top 2. Caring for others, to have strong morals, be productive with my resources, to be hardworking, and to be known for honesty and loyalty are amazing things in my eyes. I am proud of who I am. I thank God for making me, for choosing me, and for using me; for continuing to spurn growth and a new understanding of who He is.

God, give me opportunities to serve you and to serve the people around me with my strengths. I give you all the glory, all the honor, and all the praise. For without you I am nothing. I am undeserving, yet you cover me with grace and love. I can never praise you enough my Jesus, my Savior.

May 8th

:)
Hi,
How are you?
I'm well. Life is going a million miles an hour and never seems to slow.
I should blog more often to reflect and process, as processing is not a strength.
But, today is Sunday, what a wonderful day. I have spent time with a lot of friends that are dear to my heart recently and it has been so good, but I feel that I am never enough, that I can never fully provide them with what they need, that I can't answer all of the questions their problems bring them, that I can not be enough for everyone that is in my life (or even enough for the one person standing before me at any moment). It can be overwhelming, it can be daunting, it can feel like failure. I cannot possibly make enough time to take care of my friends and take care of them well. I'm sorry.

What can I possibly do? I understand that God is the one who can carry them fully, hold their hand, answer their questions, dry their tears, and bring them joy, but I feel that He can use me to help, right?

BUT, GREAT NEWS = I have a mentor, her name is Corrine & I am so excited to meet her!!

I'm about to take the Strengths test :) Blog again soon lovely ones.
& Happy Mother's Day!!
& it's my baby sisters birthday. Shout out to Courtney May Brooke, I love you.

Christ came to save

I am hungry.
I am thirsty.
I am craving.
For more of Jesus. For righteousness. For more Jesus.

I am running. I am seeking.

May the way be lit,
the mess fall away,
and the Lord's radiance fall on me.

May glory to God be found in all that I do.
May His name be praised.
May I lose myself in finding more of Him.

His peace is finding its way into every part of me.
May I love better, deeper, truer with a pure heart.
May I dwell in the house of the Lord forever & ever.

Rest for the Weary

I shared with a few of you that I was overwhelmed with my schedule and very much believed I would be exhausted until the middle of next week..... and I know that some of you prayed that God would slow me down a bit, help me prioritize and say no to things... well, God is just so funny, because I've been in bed hella sick since Tuesday. Like, I want to die. Everything has been canceled from Disneyland trips, to Angels games, to work, to the Vegas weekend trip for a Bachelorette party.... so you know... my schedule has been dumped and I have been sleeping a lot...

I didn't tell Darin that I would be missing Saturday's round-table session because I didn't want to be out of town this weekend and welp, now I will be in town.

Anyways, if you could please pray for healing that would be awesome. I have felt lighter & happier since deciding to for sure not go to Vegas (which I have never been to before & was a little worried about). And I did see the doctor & am currently on antibiotics. 

The sun is out & its Friday. I don't want to be in bed anymore. Thanks for reading :) 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Malachi 3:10

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” - Malachi 3:10

“Remember this: Whomever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: ‘They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.’ (Psalm 112:9) Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourself, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”

- 2 Corinthians 9:6-15

Lots of reading, but its scripture! :)

The Lord has been teaching me about faithfulness. Particularly, my faithfulness to Him. He provides opportunities for me to be a blessing to others and if I act on it, He actually acknowledges my obedience and pours out greater opportunity. To see God’s hand move in my response to His call is incredible. I always wish to strive to be a benefit, a joy, a blessing to the people around me; those He has called me to love and to be loved by. To see others praise God because of my obedience is astonishing. I believe that He will continue to give me greater responsibility and opportunity if my motivation is to seek His will and be faithful to Him and His people. We are called to bring the first fruits, our best, whether that is devoting an hour in the morning (when we would all prefer to be sleeping) to meditating on the Word and in prayer or donating something we created and cherish to help raise money for those in Japan or bringing forth anything that we value and telling our Father, “Here, it belongs to you anyways. Though I love this, I love you and your Kingdom more.”

Once again, I just want to hear is: “Well done my good and faithful servant.”



Iris please

This is a testrunnnnn :)

Shout outttttt to Lindsey

What is this love?

Saturday mornings are fabulous. I just woke up and decided that reading blogs for an hour would be the best idea ever. I hope that you are doing so well. I feel out of touch with many of you because life is crazy, but know that you are cherished and loved and missed.

My life has been busy. Work has been deadlines (not as stressful as some, but deadlines are deadlines :) ). I have been studying (not as committed to it as I should be, but still, I am studying). Overall, my week has been awesome. I don't remember the last time I have really been able to use that as an adjective to describe 7 days in a row. My brother and his girlfriend came down to visit and it was so good. My brother has grown up. He is 20, but has it together, loves Jesus, works hard, understands how to treat people well, and loves me. Bri (his girlfriend) is beautiful, sweet, caring, a fabulous cook, and it was amazing to watch them interact in such adoration of one another. God brought harsh closure on something that has brought me a lot of pain, uncertainty, self esteem issues while Curtis (brother) was here and I am thankful that God has brought my out of that time in my life. I don't exactly know why He brought me to it, but He did get me through it, Praise Him.

Wednesday night I taught a yoga class. It was at Azusa (where I proudly graduated from), it was a campus wide event, sponsored by the all boys dorms (whose RD I co-lead a trip to Nepal last summer). I absolutely think yoga is fantastic- a great workout and way to release tension, stress, and just find peace. I am kinda a yogi/addict too (or I was until work interrupted my life so abruptly, lol, but I will grow back into it). I was nervous a) being in front of lots of people b) what if they thought it was boring, too easy, too hard / they just weren't entertained, c) what if I didn't go the right amount of time, what if they just didn't like me. Yes, these were my thoughts. BUT, it was seriously so fun: mixture of laughter, challenging poses, relaxing, beautiful words of Jesus, stretching, smiles, and a flute player in the background. I think I want to do it again and again and again. And Justin, the RD/co-leader, said it was perfect with grin from ear to ear, which is exactly what anyone wants to hear.

Ultimately, this week, I have had several opportunities to love people. To walk through difficult (like I yell at God as to why He lets stuff like this happen to people that mean so much to me) situations, to help them just a bit, even if its just that I know what is going on and I am in prayer. I felt like I focused less on myself and more on what was going on around me, Praise Him. I thrive on the opportunity to be of help, to serve when I am needed, to be any kind of service, to provide, to protect, to enlighten, to be of use. And I think God used me this week. This makes my heart smile and laugh/dance with joy. And I felt more loved than I have in a very long time.

Praise Him from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above, ye heavenly host. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Aahhhaaahhhaamen.

Thank you

We have been placed together in these moments, in these months for amazing, unfathomable, incomprehensible, and brilliant reasons. For such a time as this. Glory to God forever & ever. I read your blogs and there is so much growth, lots of difficulty, but the greatest amount of honesty and the Lord’s truth is reigning freedom down on each one of you. I read the comments/replies and my heart just melts because of the beautiful encouragement and inspiring words that are shared. Like who are we?! We are the Church! We are brothers and sisters of the Most High Sovereign God and He knew we would need each other to walk these roads of life and prepare us for whatever He has in store.

How unbelievable. You have already changed me. I read your blogs and I am mystified at the parallels I can relate to. Some of you are going through things that are just a few steps ahead of where I feel I am at and I am so encouraged because I am not alone. You are there and you love unselfishly, completely, with the most pure intent.

Thank you.

This weekend has been draining and restful. Is that even possible? I doubt it. I slowed down a lot and really kept to myself, other than my roommate, but I am drained because my heart is hurting a great amount. Its devastating and I don’t understand it, but I have faith that the Lord is receiving the greatest amount of glory and doing what is best for the kingdom, but its hard. It sucks. I don’t get it. BUT, at Third Wednesday God revealed to me, “Hey Corinne, my love, choose joy, choose sorrow, choose what you want and hold onto it firmly. But, you have a choice, move forward in that.” So, I am moving forward in His promise. Sometimes I am overcome, but those moments pass.

I praise you Jesus. 

May I rejoice

It is said that one can break an addiction if 21 days of abstinence are undergone. The withdrawals might be crushing, heart-breaking, the yearning for the desired can be so disheartening. But in the end, if I am able to be set free of my captivity by the grace of God, then, I believe looking back at the 21 days will appear to be but a moment, a wink from my Creator, a short second in time. But, at day 4, another 17 days feels like an eternity. How ridiculous, but really. I believe that every individual has an addiction. Everyone fills a void in their hearts with something, whether it be food, alcohol, relationships, cards, shopping, working out, reality shows, reading religious books, social networks, or what the 'holy spot' in our heart is really for, which is Christ alone.

And He is the one that I wish to fill my entire being. Move over everything else for the King is truly in town and He is the capture of my heart. May all else fade as I wish to be living in every fiber of my being for His glory. I want to exude the true love of Christ. I wish to glow from the inside out because He has made me, He has saved me, and He is alive in me.

I feel that I need to go back over that dreaded paperwork from last Saturday once again. Seriously, it could take me a lifetime to complete, and even then I would have to begin for a second time once I had finished. Identifying the sin, confessing it, and removing it from my life is such a challenge, but one that I am ready to face. I just need to know and feel that HE is on my side and that I am not alone; that others are willing to share unselfish love with me and deal with my moments of frustration, growing pains, and all the withdrawal effects. Help me.

Can we bake cookies together soon? Maybe a trip to the beach? Reading and conversation over tea? Movie night? And o, how I wish to make it to a waffle night one of these days J But, I am a one-on-one type if you haven’t noticed as of yet. Guilty am I. But I was made this way and I love the one who designed me. 

Philippians 4

Starry Night - Chris August

Requesting a Change Order

This morning I woke up incredibly uneasy. I don't know what to do.

- Pray
- Throw myself into the Word
- Seek God
- Have an audible (on my end) conversation with God sharing that I do not want to fear, I want to find peace in His plan and His faithfulness, His love. His love is enough.
- But, what is this horrible feeling sinking into my the pit of where I feel my heart sits.
- I wanted today to be a day of choosing joy, peace, and celebration.

I shared last Saturday with my group that I have found myself to be rather moody at times (jumping from excitement to depression from love to selfishness). Its a rollercoast that has crashed a few times. It sucks. I don't want to be this way and I am trying to figure out why and how to change. And all of this was rather ironic with the Bible study and the conversation that was shared.

Today may be that day of change or it is fast approaching, why am I on the verge of tears when I need this so much? Perhaps I fear that it is not today. Perhaps I fear the pain in the midst change. But, it has got to be better than where I am currently at, right? I need to let go and let God. I need to stand fast and confidently in the knowledge that I am His daughter and His beloved. I need to get out of this funk. I want change desperately. I hate where I am currently at. God, please pick me up and hold me close speaking love to me.

I still want my life to be a beautiful sweet sound of worship to you.

Glory to Him forever & ever, Amen.

Perfection

 [per-fek-shuhn]

–noun

1.     the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

2.     a perfect  embodiment or example of something.

Meanings: Excellence, accomplishment

Synonyms: Faultlessness, rightness, exactness, precision, flawlessness

Urban Dictionary:

     1. .an impossibility, something unattainable, something that cannot be reached..ever.

     2. Cannot be defined by one person, perfection means something different to everyone.

Setting an example. Seeking to become the ideal. Being better than those around you in every way. Not having faults. Having everything figured out and living confidently in that. But, who defines this perfection? Each person has their own idea of what it means to be perfect. And, we aren’t called to be perfection.

Please, CAN I JUST SHOUT THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE ON A PEDASTOL. Can I tell everyone that I make a lot of mistakes. I don’t have it figured out. I don’t do everything right and I don’t know. I am not the ideal. I am messed up. I am working on it. I need grace. I need mercy. I need patience. I need help. I want God to use my strengths and my weaknesses. I want less of me for more of God’s glory. I want transparency, honesty, truth, and openness. I want to live and leave an offering, not a legacy.

This week we are discussing not being a Christian cyborg/ robot. The Circles blog was so good & spoke greatly to me. “I learned during that first year was that my students didn’t need a spotless role model, they needed a real example.” I want to be a real example. I want to strive to be better. I want to work every day to become more of the person God wants me to be for each day, but I don’t want to give off the impression that I think I am perfect. I want true humility. “And they needed to know that in the midst of our failure and mismanagement, Jesus is with us every step of the way.” Mmmm, so tasty, so good. “What I learned was that it’s ok to simply and honestly embrace who I am, and that includes my victories and my failures in equal measure.” “to lead from the truth of who I was, that I actually started to inspire those around me. “

This is me embracing who I am. Every part of me. I am going to strive to roccccck it :)  Passing all the glory to Him above, may my life me a sweet love sound of praise to YOU. 

Take the time and be love.

Each day this week I have thought "Hey, I should blog today." And each day I end up reading other blogs and saying, "eh, I'll write tomorrow." But now its SATURDAY and I don't know what to say. Are your ready for a mumble-jumble-mess? :) If so, thank you.

1. I have been reading in Nouwen's book (keeping on top of it this time ;)) and I have been challenged and its so good, especially about judging, or rather not passing judgement. I want to be accepting, I want to be understanding, I want to be love, I want to be a light. The last thing I desire is for someone to think I'm close-minded and judgmental.

2. God has helped me become more in-touch with living out my desire to have a servants heart. I'm not down at the soup kitchen :( , but I am choosing to listen to the people around me, be what God needs me to be for them, and to serve in small ways: doing dishes for my roommates, writing encouraging notes, tuning into the lives of the people I work with, and doing the little things. Aiming to put them above myself. I want to become more and more intentional in it all.

3. I am coming back to a heart of love. I love love so much. God is love and love is real. It is what makes the world go round and it changes everything. I think a lot of people do not accept the love that is given to them (I am sometimes guilty of this as well), but some do not know how to accept it, some don't understand it, and some just don't think about it. BUT it is what everyone needs. There is a song that my roommate my first year at APU and I talked about all the time, one of the lines is "If you need love, take the time and be love."Sooooo good. I am striving to be love. I used to be very intentional in this, but I lost sight within the last.... 6 months or so.... I am trying to figure out the cause so that it doesn't happen again, but I am ecstatic about the Lord bringing me back to this place of giving love in abundance to the people around me because He is so persistent in re-filling me.

A-E Updatttted

a) I'm only on page 30 of Here and Now, which is not half way.
b) I have not watched the podcast.
c) Your blogs change turn my frown upside down & seriously make me energized, joyful, and inspired.
d) You are a blessing.
e) I cannot wait to see you again. LUNCH TOMORROW? perfect.

O, The mess I have made.

I find myself being so incredible self-centered. I dwell on my insecurities. I fascinate on other people not loving me the way I want them to. I blame everyone else for my lack of self-assurance. I place on everyone the guilt of my issues.

It’s not their fault. It’s not God’s fault. It’s my stubbornness, my ridiculousness, my selfishness. It’s killing me. I consume lies from the master of deceit every day like its oxygen and I throw out everything positive people say to me because I think they are just trying to make me feel good, or they have to, or they’re lying. Really, I’m so self-consumed and its all so stupid it makes me sick as I write this.

Every day typically starts out with the possibility of being a great day. Unless I went to bed late I am positive, upbeat, joyful and have a smile on my face. But, I get so worn down at work and my thoughts turn to self-pity. Ugh, come on. By the end of the day I place on others the burden of making me feel better about life, about who I am.

Talk about putting someone up the fail.

I cannot believe who I have become. It half way disgusts me and half way breaks my own heart. Where did I go so wrong? When did I turn to so much selfishness?

God, I beg you to turn me around. To help me take my eyes from myself and focus straight on you and your children. Help me to see the needs of those around me and forget myself completely. May I seek joy in every situation and may your joy be my strength.

God, I reject the lies of the enemy. I declare Jesus freedom, forgiveness, peace, and love over me and my fellow Circle slices. God, I am sorry. Please pick me up out of my own mess. May you be my hope and my confidence. 

Re-evaluating the "talk"

This week has been a challenge, but the startup of Circles has brought a lot of..... hope.

I was out of town for work (for TWO weeks). The traveling for work lifestyle drains me quickly and offers little resource for being refilled, being loved, being encouraged... I was by myself working with two individuals who are older than myself, married, and can hold the title "boss." I felt alone, kinda abandoned. And I do not handle alone, isolation, being by myself very well. I actually am quite horrible at being alone. I was in Fresno, worked 8-5 and then was alone the rest of the evening. Where is the purpose when you aren't in relationship?!

So, to say the least, I was DRAINED when I made the drive back to the O.C.

I was given Friday OFF from work.... which rarely ever happens at my firm, but PRAISE the LORD, because I needed it. I was able to get things done around my apartment, sleep, and not have to be sitting in an office all day staring out a window into construction and fog. AND I was able to go to lunch at RH. So good, there were just three of us, but I was able to be myself, eat food, and laugh as stories were shared and glimpses of out lives were discussed. I didn't feel any sort or pressure, any expectations on me; I was just able to be there and enjoy it. This doesn't happen often; isn't that crazy? I constantly feel surrounded by expectations and people thinking I should act a certain way. Maybe its all in my head, but its how I feel.

Anyways, lunch was great. Loved it.
Saturday's meeting was great as well. Group discussion on listening & speaking, hollar. Identifying the noise and why I allow it to take away from conversations is something that I need to re-evaluate frequently. Learning to seek silence... ahhhh, I don't want to right now... but I need to!

All this to say... Circles, everyone's blogs, lunches together, meetings & discussing Jesus on Saturdays + everything else = brings Corinne HOPE :)

Okay, so I apologize for the mess that I have written.... it probably doesn't make any logical sense.

CIRCLES, An introduction:

Hi, I'm Corinne. I was born March 1st to Mr & Mrs Robert (Bob) & Holly. I am the firstborn of four. Curtis: 20, Courtney: 16, Connor: 15. I was raised going to church and attending a private Christian school not to far from home. I moved down to the Southern California area to transfer to Azusa Pacific University (APU), quite possibly the best college ever. Just this last May I graduated with a degree in Accounting. Just a few weeks after graduation I led a mission’s trip to Nepal (which you can read about below if you’re interested) and two weeks after arriving back in the States I started my position as an accountant at a firm in Irvine. I am still employed there and they keep me very busy. I audit local and regional governments, federal clients, not-for-profits, and entities along those lines. This year I have set before me the goal of passing all four parts of the CPA exam. Should be a great challenge, but so worth it when I’m done.

Before I heard about Circles I was on the search for a mentor and only dead ends were to be found.  I was also interested in joining a small group, but this didn’t exactly work out either. Transitioning from APU to life in the corporate world has been really difficult and I yearn for a close-knit community of authentic people who love on each other, seek God together, and are working to build His Kingdom. Basically, I want everything that Circles is defined as. Iron sharpening iron, new amazing truths of the Lord revealed through one another. I cannot begin to share how excited I am.

What I want more than anything: 

To hear the Lord say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” 

I think you can tell a lot about a person by the people they surround themselves with. So here is a short introduction to a few of my favorites:
 

These are my lovely roommates. We enjoy our trips to Disneyland. Miss Dani is on the far left, then Ashley  (the birthday girl in this picture), myself, and Alex. They graduated from APU with me and are constant joys in my life.

 This is my baby sister whom I mentioned above, Miss Courtney Brooke. She is simply amazing and totally gorgeous. I want her to move down to So Cal and live with me, but shes only 16, so that might still be a while. I hope that she comes and visits soon & I can bring her to Rock Harbor.

P.S. I really really like flowers: 

Reflecting through the tears

My roommates have left to go out dancing. I have cleaned the kitchen and sit with a glass of water as my company. What to do in the silence? What to do now that life has gone through so many changes this past year. I would have given most anything to have a few solid moments of silence to myself with nothing to think of and nothing to do and nothing to think about doing just a few months ago, but now its weird. I don’t know if to enjoy it or wish there was someone by my side. Perhaps I should seek God’s company and appreciate these moments because soon they may be impossible to come by. So I choose to be thankful instead of embarrassed at having little to do. I have accomplished much and should be at peace in this silence.

He never lets go, you know? He is always there. Its all about acknowledgment. Thank you God that tomorrow is Sunday.

Transitioning from college to big girl life has been really hard and I haven’t paid attention to how difficult it has been. I haven’t reflected, I have ignored, I have simply told myself that this is the next step and every step in better than the last, but I miss college. I miss being needed. I miss being surrounded by people who love God and love me and tell me so constantly. I miss being appreciated by so many. I miss being encouraged continuously. I miss being a great catalyst of God’s love. I miss  having so much purpose in every day and just titling it as my life. When I say I miss these things its not that I am not getting these different needs, but it once came from like 50+ people & now those surrounding me has significantly been reduced. Its not that those 50+ individuals have walked out on me, its just life & distance.

We don’t have to constantly be going. But, I have been conditioned to think otherwise. Ahhhh, NO GOOD. It okay to sit & take in the view.

O, hey Pandora in the background: “It happens in a blink it happens in a flash it happens in the time it took to look back. I try to hold on tight but there’s not stopping now. What is it I have done with my life?”

I just want HIM to be proud of me & I feel that I am not living up to this greatness.

But, who am I & where am I headed? I pray these tears dry & no more mascara streaks will make their way down my cheeks for a very long time. 

Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. May love be poured out on you today.