This morning I woke up incredibly uneasy. I don't know what to do.
- Throw myself into the Word
- Seek God
- Have an audible (on my end) conversation with God sharing that I do not want to fear, I want to find peace in His plan and His faithfulness, His love. His love is enough.
- But, what is this horrible feeling sinking into my the pit of where I feel my heart sits.
- I wanted today to be a day of choosing joy, peace, and celebration.
I shared last Saturday with my group that I have found myself to be rather moody at times (jumping from excitement to depression from love to selfishness). Its a rollercoast that has crashed a few times. It sucks. I don't want to be this way and I am trying to figure out why and how to change. And all of this was rather ironic with the Bible study and the conversation that was shared.
Today may be that day of change or it is fast approaching, why am I on the verge of tears when I need this so much? Perhaps I fear that it is not today. Perhaps I fear the pain in the midst change. But, it has got to be better than where I am currently at, right? I need to let go and let God. I need to stand fast and confidently in the knowledge that I am His daughter and His beloved. I need to get out of this funk. I want change desperately. I hate where I am currently at. God, please pick me up and hold me close speaking love to me.
I still want my life to be a beautiful sweet sound of worship to you.