Friday, May 27, 2011

A season for everything under the sun.

Change is but a constant.

Consistency is a wish.
A hope.

The majority of my life continues to thrive under a great amount of change. Work, home (Redding/family), home (Costa Mesa apartment/my girls), Circles, wants, strengths, passions, friendships, desires, plans, disciplines, me. All of it. All of it but one: God.

He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. What I know of Him today is something that I can build upon and not fear that it will be changed and I will fall farther from my knowledge of Him, because my knowledge of His truth and His love can only increase. This is a concept that warms my soul.

On a slightly different note: I feel that I am in a season of preparation. "Preparation for what?" you might ask. My answer, "I don't know, but I'm excited, running ahead (throwing some dance twirls in there), and ready do be used, tested, tried, serve, and grow in whatever way will bring our Lord the most glory."

I'm here, God. I'm willing. Use me. I love you. Always, today and forever.

Saturday, May 14, 2011


Empathy - to sense the feelings of others.
Belief - to have core values that are unchanging. These values define my life's purpose.
Arranger - to organize with flexibility. To maximize productivity.
Achiever - to have a great deal of stamina and to work hard.
Responsibility - To be honest and loyal. To take ownership of my words and commitments.

These are the results of my StrengthsFinder 2.0.

I was a bit unwilling to take this test again. I had completed it previously during my first year at Azusa (3ish years ago). I was proud of my strengths and loved that they defined me with Belief, Harmony, Discipline, Relator, and Communicator. I know that I have grown and changed a very great amount since that first test. My new strengths say this. Communication has gone out the window, I feel like its one of my greatest downfalls, but its something I'm working on. I do things I tell myself not to - discipline fail. I'm less harmonious because work and relationships have made me tougher, stronger, better at taking annoying sarcasm & throwing it back (because for some reason people LIKE THAT, which I don't understand, but feel like I must to be respected). But, perhaps I should stop mourning the change of my strengths and be giddy about the new dawn, the new day, a new way to serve my Jesus and my family better. '

I would say that my top 5 do represent who I am to an extent. The definitions are truth. I love that Belief is still in the top 2. Caring for others, to have strong morals, be productive with my resources, to be hardworking, and to be known for honesty and loyalty are amazing things in my eyes. I am proud of who I am. I thank God for making me, for choosing me, and for using me; for continuing to spurn growth and a new understanding of who He is.

God, give me opportunities to serve you and to serve the people around me with my strengths. I give you all the glory, all the honor, and all the praise. For without you I am nothing. I am undeserving, yet you cover me with grace and love. I can never praise you enough my Jesus, my Savior.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

May 8th

How are you?
I'm well. Life is going a million miles an hour and never seems to slow.
I should blog more often to reflect and process, as processing is not a strength.
But, today is Sunday, what a wonderful day. I have spent time with a lot of friends that are dear to my heart recently and it has been so good, but I feel that I am never enough, that I can never fully provide them with what they need, that I can't answer all of the questions their problems bring them, that I can not be enough for everyone that is in my life (or even enough for the one person standing before me at any moment). It can be overwhelming, it can be daunting, it can feel like failure. I cannot possibly make enough time to take care of my friends and take care of them well. I'm sorry.

What can I possibly do? I understand that God is the one who can carry them fully, hold their hand, answer their questions, dry their tears, and bring them joy, but I feel that He can use me to help, right?

BUT, GREAT NEWS = I have a mentor, her name is Corrine & I am so excited to meet her!!

I'm about to take the Strengths test :) Blog again soon lovely ones.
& Happy Mother's Day!!
& it's my baby sisters birthday. Shout out to Courtney May Brooke, I love you.