Sunday, May 8, 2011

May 8th

How are you?
I'm well. Life is going a million miles an hour and never seems to slow.
I should blog more often to reflect and process, as processing is not a strength.
But, today is Sunday, what a wonderful day. I have spent time with a lot of friends that are dear to my heart recently and it has been so good, but I feel that I am never enough, that I can never fully provide them with what they need, that I can't answer all of the questions their problems bring them, that I can not be enough for everyone that is in my life (or even enough for the one person standing before me at any moment). It can be overwhelming, it can be daunting, it can feel like failure. I cannot possibly make enough time to take care of my friends and take care of them well. I'm sorry.

What can I possibly do? I understand that God is the one who can carry them fully, hold their hand, answer their questions, dry their tears, and bring them joy, but I feel that He can use me to help, right?

BUT, GREAT NEWS = I have a mentor, her name is Corrine & I am so excited to meet her!!

I'm about to take the Strengths test :) Blog again soon lovely ones.
& Happy Mother's Day!!
& it's my baby sisters birthday. Shout out to Courtney May Brooke, I love you.


  1. i seriously love roses so much. soon, i will have pictures of them permanently drawn on my body. with that being said, i love your picture. i've felt the same way before about not being able to help friends enough. i think it was in one of our circles discussions that someone told me that the greatest thing we can do with our friends is just be there for them. we dont have to say the perfect thing, we don't have to pray over them with the final prayer that makes it all better; but we CAN be used by God in the service and sacrafice of just being there. There to listen, there to understand and to give empathy, and in His timing God will work in and around our friends. you're awesome corinne I'm sorry i "big-timed" you while i was on the phone with an important client... (jk it was just a friend but i just wanted to say that) and if it helps, you encourage me a lot in unspoken ways. have a bahless-ED day.

  2. Such an awesome mystery is God ministering through us:)
    Daunting - yep! I can totally relate to feeling like it's weight that I have to perform if He's gonna act in the lives im around :(

    Something I feel I've been learning is that when WE're first deeply healed and ministered to by Him. Then we can be used by Him more fully in the lives of others. Less of ourselves and our hurt is in the way. I too often make the mistake of thinking like I have to DO, when God's saying to me, 'Billy, just give up and let me love you.'

    praying for him to teach all of us how it works.
    and for your time w your mentor!

  3. Corinne, in the little (i wish it was more, let it be more hehe) time i have spent with you, i can tell that you are such a kind, sweet hearted girl. you seem very into what the people around you are saying and your care for others is obvious. i know what you're talking about when you say you feel like you're not enough or like you don't know what to do in certain situations, but honestly i think your kindness and care is what people want from you. you seem like a wonderful listener and a lot of times, that is the only thing people need. you're so loving and all people want is to feel cared about and loved. is this making sense haha? i'm interested in seeing what your strengths are!

  4. yeah, I get what you mean. I have had serious breakdowns for the hurts of the world because I want to help everyone and CAN'T. I'm not Jesus. but as far as friends go- the people you do interface with- and coming from a perspective of deep pain right now, just being there is almost always enough. I am learning that at times it is helpful to draw wisdom from your own experiences and try to tell them what you have learned... etc. but I am learning first hand that everyone's story is their own. it may not work out for someone as it did for you. just being there for a friend in a hard time-- and being consistent so they know they can depend on you-- listening and praying for them is absolutely amazing ministry. Give Jesus room to be who HE is to your friends. your heart is beautiful. : ) it is so wonderful to hear that you are seeking and trying to be more like Jesus in ministering to people you care about, in this way. I will be praying for you in this. : ) thank you for caring : )

  5. It is good to realize that you don't have to carry that load of friendship alone. God does carry your friends and uses you to encourage and minister to them with your love for them. You have such a beautiful heart and it shines from you. May God continue to hold your heart in His hands and use you in a mighty way :)

  6. You are enough. Don't ever think that you aren't at that time in that place with your friends. You can't provide everything a person wants but you don't have to. You give that person you for the whole time together and that is enough. I promise. You are an amazing light in my life (Just to let you know) and I can't wait to hang out with you again. love you and I hope to see you tonight :-)

  7. I, too, am learning to let go of the things that are not mine to carry. If find that the more I am able to undertsand who God is, the more I am able to understand just how much I am to give these things over to him.

  8. rin-jim, my beautiful girl. you and your sweet spirit. you will not be enough for people, and that is just fine. none of us are even close. but i think we can be encouraged by something from here & now. i don't remember the exact words, but it was something about how, even though we can't fix one another's problems, we can sit beside each other in our pain. and that is important. and sometimes it can be enough. i love you and i look forward to sharing many more smiles and tears with you. for a very long time.