Sunday, March 20, 2011

Thank you

We have been placed together in these moments, in these months for amazing, unfathomable, incomprehensible, and brilliant reasons. For such a time as this. Glory to God forever & ever. I read your blogs and there is so much growth, lots of difficulty, but the greatest amount of honesty and the Lord’s truth is reigning freedom down on each one of you. I read the comments/replies and my heart just melts because of the beautiful encouragement and inspiring words that are shared. Like who are we?! We are the Church! We are brothers and sisters of the Most High Sovereign God and He knew we would need each other to walk these roads of life and prepare us for whatever He has in store.

How unbelievable. You have already changed me. I read your blogs and I am mystified at the parallels I can relate to. Some of you are going through things that are just a few steps ahead of where I feel I am at and I am so encouraged because I am not alone. You are there and you love unselfishly, completely, with the most pure intent.

Thank you.

This weekend has been draining and restful. Is that even possible? I doubt it. I slowed down a lot and really kept to myself, other than my roommate, but I am drained because my heart is hurting a great amount. Its devastating and I don’t understand it, but I have faith that the Lord is receiving the greatest amount of glory and doing what is best for the kingdom, but its hard. It sucks. I don’t get it. BUT, at Third Wednesday God revealed to me, “Hey Corinne, my love, choose joy, choose sorrow, choose what you want and hold onto it firmly. But, you have a choice, move forward in that.” So, I am moving forward in His promise. Sometimes I am overcome, but those moments pass.

I praise you Jesus. 

Saturday, March 12, 2011

May I rejoice

It is said that one can break an addiction if 21 days of abstinence are undergone. The withdrawals might be crushing, heart-breaking, the yearning for the desired can be so disheartening. But in the end, if I am able to be set free of my captivity by the grace of God, then, I believe looking back at the 21 days will appear to be but a moment, a wink from my Creator, a short second in time. But, at day 4, another 17 days feels like an eternity. How ridiculous, but really. I believe that every individual has an addiction. Everyone fills a void in their hearts with something, whether it be food, alcohol, relationships, cards, shopping, working out, reality shows, reading religious books, social networks, or what the 'holy spot' in our heart is really for, which is Christ alone.

And He is the one that I wish to fill my entire being. Move over everything else for the King is truly in town and He is the capture of my heart. May all else fade as I wish to be living in every fiber of my being for His glory. I want to exude the true love of Christ. I wish to glow from the inside out because He has made me, He has saved me, and He is alive in me.

I feel that I need to go back over that dreaded paperwork from last Saturday once again. Seriously, it could take me a lifetime to complete, and even then I would have to begin for a second time once I had finished. Identifying the sin, confessing it, and removing it from my life is such a challenge, but one that I am ready to face. I just need to know and feel that HE is on my side and that I am not alone; that others are willing to share unselfish love with me and deal with my moments of frustration, growing pains, and all the withdrawal effects. Help me.

Can we bake cookies together soon? Maybe a trip to the beach? Reading and conversation over tea? Movie night? And o, how I wish to make it to a waffle night one of these days J But, I am a one-on-one type if you haven’t noticed as of yet. Guilty am I. But I was made this way and I love the one who designed me. 

Philippians 4

Friday, March 4, 2011

Requesting a Change Order

This morning I woke up incredibly uneasy. I don't know what to do.

- Pray
- Throw myself into the Word
- Seek God
- Have an audible (on my end) conversation with God sharing that I do not want to fear, I want to find peace in His plan and His faithfulness, His love. His love is enough.
- But, what is this horrible feeling sinking into my the pit of where I feel my heart sits.
- I wanted today to be a day of choosing joy, peace, and celebration.

I shared last Saturday with my group that I have found myself to be rather moody at times (jumping from excitement to depression from love to selfishness). Its a rollercoast that has crashed a few times. It sucks. I don't want to be this way and I am trying to figure out why and how to change. And all of this was rather ironic with the Bible study and the conversation that was shared.

Today may be that day of change or it is fast approaching, why am I on the verge of tears when I need this so much? Perhaps I fear that it is not today. Perhaps I fear the pain in the midst change. But, it has got to be better than where I am currently at, right? I need to let go and let God. I need to stand fast and confidently in the knowledge that I am His daughter and His beloved. I need to get out of this funk. I want change desperately. I hate where I am currently at. God, please pick me up and hold me close speaking love to me.

I still want my life to be a beautiful sweet sound of worship to you.