This week has been a challenge, but the startup of Circles has brought a lot of..... hope.
I was out of town for work (for TWO weeks). The traveling for work lifestyle drains me quickly and offers little resource for being refilled, being loved, being encouraged... I was by myself working with two individuals who are older than myself, married, and can hold the title "boss." I felt alone, kinda abandoned. And I do not handle alone, isolation, being by myself very well. I actually am quite horrible at being alone. I was in Fresno, worked 8-5 and then was alone the rest of the evening. Where is the purpose when you aren't in relationship?!
So, to say the least, I was DRAINED when I made the drive back to the O.C.
I was given Friday OFF from work.... which rarely ever happens at my firm, but PRAISE the LORD, because I needed it. I was able to get things done around my apartment, sleep, and not have to be sitting in an office all day staring out a window into construction and fog. AND I was able to go to lunch at RH. So good, there were just three of us, but I was able to be myself, eat food, and laugh as stories were shared and glimpses of out lives were discussed. I didn't feel any sort or pressure, any expectations on me; I was just able to be there and enjoy it. This doesn't happen often; isn't that crazy? I constantly feel surrounded by expectations and people thinking I should act a certain way. Maybe its all in my head, but its how I feel.
Anyways, lunch was great. Loved it.
Saturday's meeting was great as well. Group discussion on listening & speaking, hollar. Identifying the noise and why I allow it to take away from conversations is something that I need to re-evaluate frequently. Learning to seek silence... ahhhh, I don't want to right now... but I need to!
All this to say... Circles, everyone's blogs, lunches together, meetings & discussing Jesus on Saturdays + everything else = brings Corinne HOPE :)
Okay, so I apologize for the mess that I have written.... it probably doesn't make any logical sense.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Hi, I'm Corinne. I was born March 1st to Mr & Mrs Robert (Bob) & Holly. I am the firstborn of four. Curtis: 20, Courtney: 16, Connor: 15. I was raised going to church and attending a private Christian school not to far from home. I moved down to the Southern California area to transfer to Azusa Pacific University (APU), quite possibly the best college ever. Just this last May I graduated with a degree in Accounting. Just a few weeks after graduation I led a mission’s trip to Nepal (which you can read about below if you’re interested) and two weeks after arriving back in the States I started my position as an accountant at a firm in Irvine. I am still employed there and they keep me very busy. I audit local and regional governments, federal clients, not-for-profits, and entities along those lines. This year I have set before me the goal of passing all four parts of the CPA exam. Should be a great challenge, but so worth it when I’m done.
Before I heard about Circles I was on the search for a mentor and only dead ends were to be found. I was also interested in joining a small group, but this didn’t exactly work out either. Transitioning from APU to life in the corporate world has been really difficult and I yearn for a close-knit community of authentic people who love on each other, seek God together, and are working to build His Kingdom. Basically, I want everything that Circles is defined as. Iron sharpening iron, new amazing truths of the Lord revealed through one another. I cannot begin to share how excited I am.
What I want more than anything:
To hear the Lord say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”
P.S. I really really like flowers:
Saturday, January 1, 2011
My roommates have left to go out dancing. I have cleaned the kitchen and sit with a glass of water as my company. What to do in the silence? What to do now that life has gone through so many changes this past year. I would have given most anything to have a few solid moments of silence to myself with nothing to think of and nothing to do and nothing to think about doing just a few months ago, but now its weird. I don’t know if to enjoy it or wish there was someone by my side. Perhaps I should seek God’s company and appreciate these moments because soon they may be impossible to come by. So I choose to be thankful instead of embarrassed at having little to do. I have accomplished much and should be at peace in this silence.
He never lets go, you know? He is always there. Its all about acknowledgment. Thank you God that tomorrow is Sunday.
Transitioning from college to big girl life has been really hard and I haven’t paid attention to how difficult it has been. I haven’t reflected, I have ignored, I have simply told myself that this is the next step and every step in better than the last, but I miss college. I miss being needed. I miss being surrounded by people who love God and love me and tell me so constantly. I miss being appreciated by so many. I miss being encouraged continuously. I miss being a great catalyst of God’s love. I miss having so much purpose in every day and just titling it as my life. When I say I miss these things its not that I am not getting these different needs, but it once came from like 50+ people & now those surrounding me has significantly been reduced. Its not that those 50+ individuals have walked out on me, its just life & distance.
We don’t have to constantly be going. But, I have been conditioned to think otherwise. Ahhhh, NO GOOD. It okay to sit & take in the view.
O, hey Pandora in the background: “It happens in a blink it happens in a flash it happens in the time it took to look back. I try to hold on tight but there’s not stopping now. What is it I have done with my life?”
I just want HIM to be proud of me & I feel that I am not living up to this greatness.
But, who am I & where am I headed? I pray these tears dry & no more mascara streaks will make their way down my cheeks for a very long time.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. May love be poured out on you today.