Friday, February 25, 2011

Glory to Him forever & ever, Amen.

1.     the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.
2.     a perfect  embodiment or example of something.

Meanings: Excellence, accomplishment
Synonyms: Faultlessness, rightness, exactness, precision, flawlessness

Urban Dictionary: impossibility, something unattainable, something that cannot be reached..ever.
     2. Cannot be defined by one person, perfection means something different to everyone.

Setting an example. Seeking to become the ideal. Being better than those around you in every way. Not having faults. Having everything figured out and living confidently in that. But, who defines this perfection? Each person has their own idea of what it means to be perfect. And, we aren’t called to be perfection.

Please, CAN I JUST SHOUT THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE ON A PEDASTOL. Can I tell everyone that I make a lot of mistakes. I don’t have it figured out. I don’t do everything right and I don’t know. I am not the ideal. I am messed up. I am working on it. I need grace. I need mercy. I need patience. I need help. I want God to use my strengths and my weaknesses. I want less of me for more of God’s glory. I want transparency, honesty, truth, and openness. I want to live and leave an offering, not a legacy.

This week we are discussing not being a Christian cyborg/ robot. The Circles blog was so good & spoke greatly to me. “I learned during that first year was that my students didn’t need a spotless role model, they needed a real example.” I want to be a real example. I want to strive to be better. I want to work every day to become more of the person God wants me to be for each day, but I don’t want to give off the impression that I think I am perfect. I want true humility. “And they needed to know that in the midst of our failure and mismanagement, Jesus is with us every step of the way.” Mmmm, so tasty, so good. “What I learned was that it’s ok to simply and honestly embrace who I am, and that includes my victories and my failures in equal measure.” “to lead from the truth of who I was, that I actually started to inspire those around me. “

This is me embracing who I am. Every part of me. I am going to strive to roccccck it :)  Passing all the glory to Him above, may my life me a sweet love sound of praise to YOU. 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Take the time and be love.

Each day this week I have thought "Hey, I should blog today." And each day I end up reading other blogs and saying, "eh, I'll write tomorrow." But now its SATURDAY and I don't know what to say. Are your ready for a mumble-jumble-mess? :) If so, thank you.

1. I have been reading in Nouwen's book (keeping on top of it this time ;)) and I have been challenged and its so good, especially about judging, or rather not passing judgement. I want to be accepting, I want to be understanding, I want to be love, I want to be a light. The last thing I desire is for someone to think I'm close-minded and judgmental.

2. God has helped me become more in-touch with living out my desire to have a servants heart. I'm not down at the soup kitchen :( , but I am choosing to listen to the people around me, be what God needs me to be for them, and to serve in small ways: doing dishes for my roommates, writing encouraging notes, tuning into the lives of the people I work with, and doing the little things. Aiming to put them above myself. I want to become more and more intentional in it all.

3. I am coming back to a heart of love. I love love so much. God is love and love is real. It is what makes the world go round and it changes everything. I think a lot of people do not accept the love that is given to them (I am sometimes guilty of this as well), but some do not know how to accept it, some don't understand it, and some just don't think about it. BUT it is what everyone needs. There is a song that my roommate my first year at APU and I talked about all the time, one of the lines is "If you need love, take the time and be love."Sooooo good. I am striving to be love. I used to be very intentional in this, but I lost sight within the last.... 6 months or so.... I am trying to figure out the cause so that it doesn't happen again, but I am ecstatic about the Lord bringing me back to this place of giving love in abundance to the people around me because He is so persistent in re-filling me.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

A-E Updatttted

a) I'm only on page 30 of Here and Now, which is not half way.
b) I have not watched the podcast.
c) Your blogs change turn my frown upside down & seriously make me energized, joyful, and inspired.
d) You are a blessing.
e) I cannot wait to see you again. LUNCH TOMORROW? perfect.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

O, The mess I have made.

I find myself being so incredible self-centered. I dwell on my insecurities. I fascinate on other people not loving me the way I want them to. I blame everyone else for my lack of self-assurance. I place on everyone the guilt of my issues.

It’s not their fault. It’s not God’s fault. It’s my stubbornness, my ridiculousness, my selfishness. It’s killing me. I consume lies from the master of deceit every day like its oxygen and I throw out everything positive people say to me because I think they are just trying to make me feel good, or they have to, or they’re lying. Really, I’m so self-consumed and its all so stupid it makes me sick as I write this.

Every day typically starts out with the possibility of being a great day. Unless I went to bed late I am positive, upbeat, joyful and have a smile on my face. But, I get so worn down at work and my thoughts turn to self-pity. Ugh, come on. By the end of the day I place on others the burden of making me feel better about life, about who I am.

Talk about putting someone up the fail.

I cannot believe who I have become. It half way disgusts me and half way breaks my own heart. Where did I go so wrong? When did I turn to so much selfishness?

God, I beg you to turn me around. To help me take my eyes from myself and focus straight on you and your children. Help me to see the needs of those around me and forget myself completely. May I seek joy in every situation and may your joy be my strength.

God, I reject the lies of the enemy. I declare Jesus freedom, forgiveness, peace, and love over me and my fellow Circle slices. God, I am sorry. Please pick me up out of my own mess. May you be my hope and my confidence.