I find myself being so incredible self-centered. I dwell on my insecurities. I fascinate on other people not loving me the way I want them to. I blame everyone else for my lack of self-assurance. I place on everyone the guilt of my issues.
It’s not their fault. It’s not God’s fault. It’s my stubbornness, my ridiculousness, my selfishness. It’s killing me. I consume lies from the master of deceit every day like its oxygen and I throw out everything positive people say to me because I think they are just trying to make me feel good, or they have to, or they’re lying. Really, I’m so self-consumed and its all so stupid it makes me sick as I write this.
Every day typically starts out with the possibility of being a great day. Unless I went to bed late I am positive, upbeat, joyful and have a smile on my face. But, I get so worn down at work and my thoughts turn to self-pity. Ugh, come on. By the end of the day I place on others the burden of making me feel better about life, about who I am.
Talk about putting someone up the fail.
I cannot believe who I have become. It half way disgusts me and half way breaks my own heart. Where did I go so wrong? When did I turn to so much selfishness?
God, I beg you to turn me around. To help me take my eyes from myself and focus straight on you and your children. Help me to see the needs of those around me and forget myself completely. May I seek joy in every situation and may your joy be my strength.
God, I reject the lies of the enemy. I declare Jesus freedom, forgiveness, peace, and love over me and my fellow Circle slices. God, I am sorry. Please pick me up out of my own mess. May you be my hope and my confidence.